Swifties Unite!
by Wrath of Nyx
Summary: My gods I think this is actually working/In your face Gaea's army, you're going down/We are way too awesome for you dumb titans/We've totally beaten you/So suck it up, suck it up. In which Jason defeats Gaea...With a parody. Slight Jeyna, Solangelo, Frazel, Percabeth.


The War of Awkwardness was what it would be called. It wasn't like the Giant War. And it wasn't like the Titan War. There were no losses, no big shows of bravery. Just, _a lot_ of stupidness.

* * *

Jason had always been obsessed with parodies. Every Roman has their quirks. Reyna had her jellybeans. Dakota had his Kool-Aid. Of course, no one knew. Romans _never_ betrayed their kin. Except for Octavian. Everyone was fine with betraying him. Was he even _Roman_?

So yeah. Jason _really liked_ parodies. _Especially_ ones that had been written by himself. Jason also really liked Taylor Swift. Most of his parodies were based on Taylor Swift songs.

For example: (We Are Never Getting Back Together)

 _I remember when I woke up,_

 _First time, saying this is it I've had enough,_

 _Cause like, we hadn't played with chainsaws in a month,_

 _When you said, let's try to be SAFE._

 _WHAT?_

Or: (Blank Space)

 _Saw you there and I thought_

 _Oh my God, look at that face_

 _It is one, huge mistake_

Sometimes, he switched to movies: (Love Is An Open Door, Frozen)

 _All my life has been a series of slaps in the face,_

 _And then I have to talk to you_

 _I've been waiting my whole life, to find my own place_

 _And I really hope it's not with you_

Or Ellie Goulding: (Outside, featuring. Calvin Harris)

 _DIE_

 _DIE_

 _Stupid mouse won't let me in,_

 _Now I'm on the outside_

Jason _really_ liked parodies. Then again, it was sort of awkward to have _I really really really really really really hate you_ stuck in his head while he was battling .

It _was_ true, but still. It got really awkward when he started humming the song. Then he started muttering it. While simultaneously summoning lightning to strike down the manticore in front of him and stabbing at him with a sword in midair.

Thorn raised an eyebrow. "Is this not challenging for you?" He demanded.

Jason shrugged sheepishly. "Not really."

The manticore chuckled evilly. "You will soon regret those words." He left in a flash of light. Jason was left staring at a patch of grass.

"Okay then," he said, taking flight back to Camp Half-Blood.

* * *

The next afternoon, Chiron called a counselor meeting. Since Jason was at Camp Half-Blood because of the whole shrine thing, he went too. When he got there, Annabeth was already there (Of course. Athena daughter alert) and surprisingly, so was Percy. (Interesting...)

Jason sat down beside Nico (He had decided to stay. Absolutely _nothing_ to do with Will Solace) and after Lou Ellen from Hecate and Clovis from Hypnos joined them, the meeting started.

"I am afraid there will be another war," Chiron said, his brown eyes troubled. "Monster attacks are increasing, Cecil from Hermes reported seeing someone who looked suspiciously like Hyperion-"

"But we turned him into a tree!" Grover protested. Jason rose an eyebrow. He would _definitely_ have to ask about that later.

"Gaea was not put to sleep." Chiron winced.

Eyes turned to Piper, who looked down, guilty, and disappointed in herself.

"She was, however, delayed," Chiron amended. Piper didn't look up.

"C'mon Piper, it took all of you guys to defeat that magic guy!" Percy exclaimed. "You _all on your own_ stopped the freaking _Earth_ from going crazy!"

Piper opened her mouth to retort, but an Iris Message depicting Reyna's urgent face interrupted her.

The Praetor's eyebrows were furrowed, as were Frank's who was standing beside her, and Hazel, who stood beside him.

"We saw Krios," Reyna said bluntly.

"But we sent the Titans to Tartarus," Annabeth said.

"We're demigods," Nico said, with a shrug. "Messing up our lives is what the universe does best." There was a moment of silence.

"Man, I hate life sometimes," Leo said, breaking the silence.

"Us too!" Travis and Connor chorused, high-fiving. Katie whacked their heads.

"Ahem," Reyna coughed. "We have more news." The demigods focused on her again.

"Gaea's heading over to Camp Half-Blood," Frank said. "She plans to fight where she did last time, only this time, she'll _win_."

"No, she won't." Everyone stared at Jason. "She's not going to win," he repeated.

"Jason's right," Percy said, standing up alongside the son of Jupiter. "We beat her before, we can do it again."

"But we _didn't_ beat her before," Piper said, in a small voice. "I messed up."

"No you didn't," Hazel convinced her. "And even if you did, you won't do it again."

It took a while, but Piper nodded.

Clarisse cracked her knuckles. "All right, let's do this thing!"

* * *

The next four days were hectic. Demigods ran around like crazy, sharpening weapons (Ares), forging new (Hephaestus), and sparring in the arena (Ares-again). The Athena kids designed battle tactics, the Apollo kids practiced their archery, and the Hecate kids turned demigods into pigs.

On the third day, the Romans arrived, perfectly drilled, and in ranks. Jason whistled.

"Not bad Rey!"

She ruffled his hair jokingly. "Better than when _you_ were Praetor."

He put a hand on his chest. "That hurts Rey! Right here!"

"Jason?"

"Yeah?"

"The heart is on the _left_ side of the chest."

"I know! My hand is on the-" He looked down. "Oh." Then he moved his hand.

"That hurts Rey! Right here!" Reyna rolled her eyes with a long-suffering sigh.

"Why do I put up with you?"

"I ask myself that same question every day," Annabeth said, walking up behind them with Percy.

"Hey!" Percy and Jason chorused half-heartedly. Reyna shook her head and laughed, her braid thumping on her back.

"I have to go check on the cohorts." Jason watched her as she walked away.

"Man, you've got it bad," Percy said, patting Jason on the back.

"Who's got it bad?" Leo asked as he and Piper joined them.

"Jason's head over heels for Reyna," Percy laughed.

"I am not!" Jason yelled exasperatedly.

"Not what?" Hazel asked as she and Frank walked up to the group.

Jason glared at Percy before the son of Poseidon could say something idiotic.

"Head over heels for Reyna!" Leo sang.

Jason huffed. "Shut up, Repair Boy." He walked away, probably to ask Reyna something.

"Yup," Piper said, nodding after him. "He is _definitely_ in love."

* * *

Screams.

Shouts.

Blood.

 _War_.

Gaea had surprised them. How the primordial goddess of the earth, bigger than the Athena Parthenos, had managed to surprise them was beyond Jason. All he knew, was that Krios, Cronus, and Hyperion, _definitely_ shouldn't have been there too.

Beside him, Percy traded blows with a pair of gorgons, while Jason himself stabbed relentlessly at the Kekrops, king of the _gemini_ , the guy that made awesome Bundt cake.

A shadow fell over New York. Gaea loomed over them, as tall as some of the buildings, Kronos beside her like some golden eyes commander.

"Demigods," she boomed. "Lay down your weapons, for you have lost."

Everyone froze. Including Jason. Except while everyone else was thinking "OHMYGODS OHMYGODS OHMYGODS WE'RE GOING TO DIE" he was thinking, "This is _way_ too good an opportunity to miss." So Jason pulled out his iPhone.

 _Dude. What the Hades are you doing?_ Percy mouthed at him.

Jason ignored him. the music started flowing, and the words rolled of his tongue.

" _In the half-blood army, gods, I'm scared to death_

 _Scary silence caused my Gaea freaks me out_

 _Man I really hope that I get out alive_

 _But right now the prospects aren't looking good."_

Gaea raised an eyebrow. Jason sang on.

" _And I'm like get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York."_

Jason frowned in confusion as someone else's voice joined him. His

eyes widened. Reyna. She knew this song, but he didn't care about that. _She was singing along_. He sang with a new passion.

" _Get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York."_

Three voices joined them. Bobby, Gwen, and Dakota, now all standing beside Jason. Bobby even had a guitar and was playing in sync with the iPhone. He passed the Apollo kids from both camps a piece of paper.

" _Damn she's staring at me_

 _Gaea, Gaea_

 _I hate you."_

The musical children joined in and the monsters on Gaea's side shifted uneasily.

" _The lights are so bright_ ," The kids of the sun god whooped loudly, and one of them whistled.

" _And they're going to blind_

 _You_

 _You."_

Everyone knew what was coming now. All together, every satyr, nymph, and half-blood started singing their hearts out. Jason didn't know how it happened, but he guessed Apollo was watching over them all, since the whole of Olympus's army broken out into a choreographed dance routine.

" _And I'm like get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York._

 _Get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York."_

Leo and Frank, Travis and Connor and Will and Nico joined Jason and Percy at the front of the army formation.

"Swifties unite!" They yelled, pumping their arms.

Kronos muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Well this is awkward."

" _My gods I think this is actually working_

 _In your face Gaea's army, you're going down_

 _We are way too awesome for you dumb titans_

 _We've totally beaten you_

 _So suck it up, suck it up."_

The immortals were staring at the performance in awkwardness. Pure, undulated, awkwardness.

"Well, I'm going to go now..." Oceanus said. He was quickly joined by Krios, and just about all the _gemini_ and _dracaenae_.

" _And I'm like get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York._

 _Get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York."_

Nyx sunk into the ground, and the remaining monsters left with her.

"Son..." Gaea shook her head at Kronos who ducked his head and muttered, "Sorry Mommy."

" _Damn she's staring at me_

 _Gaea, Gaea_

 _I hate you._

" _The lights are so bright_

 _And they're going to blind_

 _You_

 _You."_

"My light shall not be blinded!" Hyperion growled.

"Is that so old man?" A voice answered. Will looked up in amazement -as did everyone else- at the god standing in front of them, smirking at the Titan of the East.

Apollo.

"You gotta hand it to these guys," he said, gesturing to the demigods. "They are really something else. I'm on punishment so I can't sing _with_ you," he sighed mournfully, "But there is someone who can."

The god snapped his fingers, and standing in front of the army, right beside him, was Taylor Swift, the woman who had penned the original song. Apollo whispered something in her ear and she nodded. Holding the microphone stand in front of her, she yelled "Swifties unite!"

"WHOOO!" The 'Swifties' replied. And by that, I mean the half-bloods, nymphs, and satyrs.

"I did good," Apollo said, nodding, before he pouted and yelled, "I'm coming!" at the sky.

After winking at Will and telling him to man up (The Aphrodite Cabin nearly cried with relief. Solangelo would _finally_ be complete!) the god teleported back to Olympus.

Leading the army, Taylor Swift started singing alongside Jason. Apparently Apollo had told her about the parody.

" _And I'm like get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York._

 _Get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York."_

Taylor Swift disappeared, Apollo wanted the demigods to finish this on

their own.

" _I'm sorry Gaea, but it is over_

 _I'm telling you you're totally done for_

 _If I'm being honest you really suck_

 _And you know that you can't change_

 _Anything, anything, anything."_

There was a flash of light, and the gods of Olympus, major _and_ minor, were belting out the lyrics alongside the demigods.

" _And I'm like get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York._

 _Get out of New York_

 _We all really hate you get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York."_

Gaea patted her son's shoulder. "I'm sorry Sonny, but this is just _way_

too awkward." She disappeared, to go sleep for another million years hopefully never to wake again.

" _Damn she's staring at me_

 _Gaea, Gaea_

 _I hate you._

 _The lights are so bright_

 _And they're going to blind_

 _You_

 _You."_

Kronos shivered.

" _Get out of New York_

 _Damn she's staring at me_

 _We all really hate you_

 _Get out of New York_

 _The lights are so bright_

 _And they're going to blind you_

 _Get out of New York_

 _And they're going to blind you_

 _Get out of New York_

 _Get out of New York."_

Will ended it off with his taxicab whistle. Kronos screamed like a little girl and disintegrated into sand.

Everyone panted, catching their breath.

"They'll stay down this time," Athena said. "And if we _do_ have to deal with this again, it won't be in your millennia."

"Good to know," Percy said.

* * *

Jason really couldn't get used to the pats on the back, slaps on the shoulder, "Good job dude!"'s.

Of course there was the occasional giggle, "Really Jason?" and smirk, but all in all, Jason thought he'd done well.

Until, of course, his birthday. Candles lit, pile of present, hippie Zeus statue dressed in hippie clothing, this was totally unexpected. But instead of "SURPRISE!"...

"SWIFTIES UNITE!"

 **Not sure if I liked the ending. My friend and I always talked about this, but I never really worked on it until now. Review!**

 **~River**


End file.
